As announced in my last post, I’m running for Granite Community Council.  The last few days of any candidacy is when those running do or say stupid things that cost them the election.  I hope I don't do that.  I say “I hope” because it seems that many politicians could be served best by following my lead and buttoning their lips during these last critical days. With this in mind there are some things I'm just not going to talk about for the next week.

I’m not going to talk about the right to bear arms.  For the longest time I thought it was the right to bare arms, and yes I agree everyone should be able to go sleeveless if they want to.  Then I realized it’s a gun thing and, yes, just like the founding fathers envisioned, everyone should be able to have a muzzle-loaded musket and take it wherever.  Heck, carry it right in to McDonald’s or take it to church, or to parent-teacher conference if you want to.  If you’re a criminal or someone who wants to stop a criminal with your own gun, this will give me time to finish my Big Mac and calmly walk out of the building while you’re both trying to decide if the order of things is powder, ball, wadding, or ball, wadding, powder, or however it goes. 

I’m not going to talk about marriage equality.  If people found out that I really don’t care who they choose to marry they might be offended because my opinion is so valuable.  I mean, I am about to be elected to a position of powerful leadership…I hope.  So I’ll throw this offer out to everyone.  If you’re planning on getting married in say the next 90 days, please send a picture of your top 3 choices (in as many genders as you choose) and the top 5 qualifications you’re looking for in a mate.  Include an explanation as to how each person meets those qualifications, I’ll give my opinion on whether or not I think you’re on the right track.  There, see I do care about who people marry.  Why else would I make such an offer?

I’m not going to talk about equal pay.  It’s a ridiculous topic.  It takes effort to carry around all this extra testosterone.  It ought to be worth something.  Doesn’t everyone see that?  I mean, come on.

I’m not going to talk about Ebola.  Mostly because I don’t know enough about it, except that you get it by going to Africa.

I’m not going to talk about the VA and the mishandling of Veterans claims.  Veterans get to see exotic parts of the world like Iraq and Afghanistan.  They get to carry guns (that aren’t just muzzle-loaded muskets).  They get to be the first to experience the effects of new chemicals and see cutting edge destructive technology AND free healthcare.  Perhaps not when they need it, but why should pain or threat to life dictate the order or expediency of care?

I’m not going to talk about scandals in the Secret Service.  Sure that guy jumped the White House fence, ran across about a hundred yards of grass (two physical feats I’m already impressed with) he then ran through the front door and into the East Room.  Did anyone ever think the SS might have been doing a real-world test on their last line of defense – catching the perp in the East Room?  It WORKED by the way.  Why does everyone have to be so critical?

Nope, I’m going to button it.  I’m not going to say or do anything stupid with just 6 days to go in such a crucial election.

Make sure to follow me on November 4.  You’ll need to get to my house by around 8 am as none of it will be on the news.